He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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