I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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