Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize