you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
