apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Vodka?
Forever.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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