I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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