she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
