Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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