So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
