I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
