the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
