the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
