i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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