These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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