summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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