dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
this is an emotional support booty call
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
