You're so nebulous sometimes
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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