I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
No subtext here. People are naked.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
