I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
