Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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