If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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