these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
