smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
