i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I fill condoms, not promises.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
