people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I am naked and annoyed.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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