Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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