I got chris browned last night
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
