Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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