wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
