I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Found the puke drawer
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
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