My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
