i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
