Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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