quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
