i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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