My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
