I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
