Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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