it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
