I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize