Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
