Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
