How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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