I need help removing her.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
