Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
