please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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