I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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