If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
