I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I need to stop coming to work sober
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
