i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
