We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Come see our sink grown plant.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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