I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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