going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
