I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
