Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
