im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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