how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
