Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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