imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize