The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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