why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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