i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
