I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I am naked and annoyed.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
