And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
