HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
