What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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