There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
