She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
