Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
