I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize