apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
